Repeating and repeating and repeating

I packed today for our five days in North Dakota. I packed two of the same outfits I wore for my grandma's funeral. I packed everything needed. Didn't I just unpack all of this?! I have been having a very rough time understanding this all and sadly I have to admit, I have even yelled at God a few times. I just don't understand why I have to go to yet another funeral in less than three months. I don't understand why Zane must suffer because this stupid thing called Cancer, took his mother from him! I don't understand why Skyler has to be a father with no wife to talk to after Zane is asleep. I just don't understand. I ask for lots of prayer! It has been very tough for me to watch my immediate family suffer! My dad is strong and hasn't cried in front of me but I know he is suffering inside! Why must Shelia suffer, her mother-in-law just passed and now her sister-in-law!

We were just going threw some pictures on all the laptops, phones, and desktops because they are going to make a slideshow and want all the pictures possible. My dad scrolled across this one when Zane was, I'm guessing like one? And he is sitting in Mona's lap and she's looking at him just smiling! Those are times when I lash at God! Why must you take Mona from Zane! What did he do to suffer this! Then I remember, he didn't do anything. This is just a another frustrating part of life. I get very emotional at funerals like I'm happy she's in a better place, but get angry that us people on Earth suffer. Do you get that way?

I will try to post threw out the time but I'm not sure if I will... Maybe I'll like journal and then when I get home, I'll post all my journal stuff! That might work the best...

Love ya guys!
Sydney